“Don’t be afraid,” they say. It’s easier said than done. How could I not be afraid? It has been said that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly’s wing can cause typhoon halfway around the world. Everything affects everything. I cannot control it. This is chaos theory. I’m just a small being with a big impact in the world. That’s scary. How do I move forward? I can’t. Everything affects everything, remember? I have to stay still. Only God knows what would happen. So I stay still. Time passes me by. I slowly start to lose contact with friends and family. Why is this so painful? I wish I could go out. Every day is the same. Will I ever be happy again? I’m ashamed. I want to go back. No! I can’t. I have to stay still. I want to meet people. No! It won’t work anyway. I’m tired. I want to sleep. I’m going to sleep. I can’t sleep. Jesus Christ! No! Damn butterflies! You know what? I go out with my friends and family. I meet loads of new people. I feel happy. I drink a bit too much and make stupid mistakes. I’m not ashamed. I don’t want to go back. Yes! I can do this. I don’t have to stay still. I take a deep breath. I smile. Even the damn butterflies do. “Don’t be afraid,” they say. “Create chaos.”
